I don’t really talk about sex much. Well, let me rephrase that; I don’t really talk about sex much unless it’s in the company of the person I’m having sex with. So, as one could rightly assume, I talk about sex with Will.
When we lived in one of our many houses around the world sex was a relatively easy affair. We had big beds, couches, a dining room table, and even one very comfortable lounge chair on the roof. The questions of “where” never came up. It just happened where it happened.
Now that we live in a camper the question is not so much “where” as “how”.
The layout of our camper is pretty straightforward. It fits in the bed of a truck and the bed we sleep in is over the cab of said truck. We have a small couch about the size of a twin bed. We have maybe 5 x 2 feet of floor space. We have a small counter with a sink, two burner stove, and a fridge. It’s designed for sleeping, cooking, and escaping the elements.
It’s not really designed for fucking. But design flaws aren’t really going to stop a couple of people from having sex. I mean, think back to the high school backseat days, where someone’s knee was in the other person’s face and the seat belt always left a nice, clear imprint on your ass. Sweaty, steamy, fumbly, and awkward.
That’s kind of how it is now but we’re not teenagers. I like my sex nice and comfy with just enough oomph to prove I’m not dead.
Now don’t get me wrong. Our bed is really nice. It’s a queen and it’s really comfortable. But there are only about 18 inches of headroom so that kind of puts some limits on what can and can’t be done in the bed. Oral sex hasn’t been a problem at all, nor has the standard missionary position or anything else that doesn’t require one to elevate themselves more than 18 inches, so we’re good there. Mutual masturbation is also a great choice, especially when we can’t use the a/c and the idea of sweaty skin on skin action is so, so gross but you’re horny anyway.
Obviously, if we decide that we want to try other positions we have to move to the couch. You know, doggy style or any variations of girl on top. It’s not really a problem but sometimes the cushions slide around and leave one or the both of us unceremoniously deposited on our little scrap of floor. That can be funny or infuriating depending on where your orgasm was when your ass hits the ground.
Climbing around in this camper is kind of tricky too. If one of us is standing on the floor and the other is in the bed then the bed person has to climb down on the couch to get around to the door. Climbing up into the bed requires stepping on the couch or the generator housing and then squirming your way up. It’s cumbersome but I don’t think Will minds when it’s me and my bare bum scrambling up and he’s got the view from the couch.
You know. Because he kind of likes me.
Part of this grand adventure has always included wild camping and we’ve done that a few times now. Deserted beaches, clear water, impossibly beautiful night skies. The perfect setting for a naughty romp under the stars, right?
Do you know the kinds of bugs that come out at night? I’ve seen things I didn’t even think were allowed on this planet. There’s no way in hell I’m getting naked out there and I think it would be really, really hard to get turned on when I might have to ask, “Is that your dick or something else? Because it feels kind of weird.” Then some crazy bug ends up in my vagina and I’m scarred for life.
Yeah, that’s a worst case scenario for sure but I’m sure you get where I’m coming from. And I’m sure an ass full of mosquito bites wouldn’t make for a great time either.
Overall, I never really expected to have to talk about sex as it relates to this overlanding adventure. And as you are all well aware by now I never expected a lot of what’s happened on this trip. Most times it’s like I’m just fumbling my sweaty way around, doing what feels right at the time.
And that pretty much sums up sex in a camper.